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Posted on 11/04/09 at 09:56 pm
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Attention few and loyal readers- from this day forward I am free from the shackles of LiveJournal! You can check me out over at A Rarer Borealis.

Forget Beta testing, any and all visitors shall be Alpha testers! That is to say, the site may have a few bugs and quirks; stop on over, poke around and let me know all about it. I just fixed up the RSS feed and whatnot so you can browse in the comfort of your own reader window. Oh, joy of joys at loosing the confines of this imposed-ad space!


Around The City

Posted on 10/21/09 at 02:46 pm
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I believe I've found a store that out-Puerto-Ricos the actual island of Puerto Rico:

aaand a closer view:

Anything you can conceive of, they have with a combination of a coqui, Puerto Rican flag, the phrase 'boricua', or a small child wearing any of the above in conjunction with the aforementioned, available and waiting.

At a nearby bakery these two cakewrecks beckoned from the window-

Both seem to be....missing something vital to understanding the cake's purpose.

I also attended a fun show with visuals by Your Friend Matthew, but left early because I am a party pooper. Look how pretty!

For the full effect, here's a video:


Posted on 10/21/09 at 01:22 pm
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This is mostly visual goodness- while in Iowa I outbid a gaggle of ladies on some gorgeous vintage buttonry. Click onward if you want to oggle vintage buttons on cards. Also, soon, soon, so very soon, shall I flee the boundaries of Livejournal. Seriously!

Buttons!Collapse )

God Hates New Jersey

Posted on 10/19/09 at 04:10 pm
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Apologies for the lack of posting, but I'm getting my new website all zazzed up and ready for visitors. I must take a break from this though to share an upcoming rally from Westboro Baptist Church, aka the ultrahypocrites behind 'God Hates Fags'. Remember them? Yeaaaah, they've widened their agenda to so much more than mindlessly hating people because some random passages in a book hobbled together and edited by numerous human sources over the years 'told' them to via their narrow interpretation of 5 generations of translation. They've expanded to picketing various high schools for teaching Abortion is Cool and How To Be Gay 101-I'm guessing this from the run-on rambles accompanying each date and time, including such gems as "Serve Obama -in his army full of fags Try to make a living - you'll end up in rags Rebel child, God hates you..." and "John Marshall High School - Teaching Kids to be fags!"

Normally I would ignore such ridiculousness, as one ignores someone saying 'Dinosaurs didn't exist'- to engage them in conversation is not only futile, but gives their point of view a measure of validity by your attempting to argue it. Just like creationists trying to 'engage' scientists in a 'dialogue' about their 'theory' through haranguing debate and gaining 'credibility' because some poor fellows attempted to take them on. But this time...this time it's personal (formatting by me because I know the internet better than the haterz):

0/28/2009 07:30 AM - 08:00 AM
New Brunswick High School
God Hates New Joisee, U Heard?
1125 Livingston Avef

Here is the goofy stuff that New Jersey stands for, and you stupid, simpletons are proud of it. I got this straight out of urbandictionary.com: "I am from NJ. I curse... a lot. I say "yo", and I say it often. I never had school on Rosh Hashanah or Yom Kippur. I sure as hell don't pump my own gas. I know what real pizza tastes like, and I know that a bagel is much more than a fuckin' roll with a hole in the middle. I judge people by what exit they get off the parkway. I can navigate a circle--with attitude. All good nights must end at a diner--preferably with cheese fries. It's a sub, not a hoagie or, worse yet, a hero, and I wash it down with soda, not pop. Two words... "mother fucker." I don't go to the beach, I go down the shore. And boardwalk brawls are just a part of the atmosphere. Yes, I drink cawfee. I know that 65mph really means 80. I've always lived within 10 minutes of a mall. When someone cuts me off, they get the horn AND the finger. And they expect it. I am from New Jersey, and damn proud of it." Yes, and that fitly describes God's curse upon you all. Deuteronomy 11:26 Behold, I set before you this day a blessing and a curse; 27 A blessing, if ye obey the commandments of the LORD your God, which I command you this day: 28 And a curse, if ye will not obey the commandments of the LORD your God, but turn aside out of the way which I command you this day, to go after other gods, which ye have not known. 29 And it shall come to pass, when the LORD thy God hath brought thee in unto the land whither thou goest to possess it, that thou shalt put the blessing upon mount Gerizim, and the curse upon mount Ebal. 30 Are they not on the other side Jordan, by the way where the sun goeth down, in the land of the Canaanites, which dwell in the champaign over against Gilgal, beside the plains of Moreh? 31 For ye shall pass over Jordan to go in to possess the land which the LORD your God giveth you, and ye shall possess it, and dwell therein. 32 And ye shall observe to do all the statutes and judgments which I set before you this day. Praise God for bringing this little church along so we can shine a bright spotlight on the filth that IS New Jersey! AMEN!

WHAT THE HELL?! Everyone ELSE gets a rally because they're gay or have a gay agenda or are aborting babies or are Jewish....WE get a rally in New Jersey BECAUSE WE'RE IN NEW JERSEY?! Seriously?!? That's it? Your entire beef with the Garden State is its continued existence and the stereotypes therein? I will grant there are plenty of begelled folk in tank tops and cars with spoilers on them who are way too proud of their orange skin, but that is NOT just our slice of the East Coast! Also, can someone more scholarly in Bible stuff translate what the hell ancient turf wars have to do with New Jersey circa 2009? If'n I recall my Sunday schooling one was the mountain where half the Israelite tribe went to 'pronounce blessings' and the other half went to 'pronounce curses'. Sooo....are we getting the curses? Is the 'good' mountain Connecticut? What?

In any event my sister suggested we and some of our pals go down and counter-protest. I was all for it, but how the hell do you counter protest something as dumb as this? Throw bagels at them? Perhaps I can follow the example of these fine gentlemen:

God hates it when you laugh at His followers.

I'm hoping due to the early hour this will be a small event, but those canny asswipes at WBC had to choose the home of Rutgers for this bunk, guaranteeing a small army of angry, pajama-bottomed, bike-riding youths out for blood. I think WBC is severely underestimating how little there is to legitimately protest in New Brunswick and how big the hardcore scene is there. Most likely this will be me:

Writings of the Damned

Posted on 09/15/09 at 08:21 pm
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Occasionally I am gripped by some inexplicable madness leading me to seek knowledge and experiences no man should dare speak of, never mind know. Such is what led me to eat more than 5 different types of fried food in a row on the boardwalks of Wildwood, see a Weston/Less Than Jake show, and watch 'National Treasure 2: Book of Secrets' and 'Doom' in theaters THE DAY THEY CAME OUT. Tonight, I wondered to myself- what could the worst fanfiction out there possibly be?

See, this presumes that a) there is good fanfiction and b) that the fanfiction community has some sort of value setting attached to its works. I don't know about the first, since if anything's really that good you should either be writing for the show or creating your own characters, and while my 'good' hinges on solid storytelling and character development, for many in the fanfic world 'good' hinges on the amount of detail in describing beloved characters shirtless and/or as centaurs. However, fanfiction writers DO have a qualitative sense of 'good' and 'bad' relative to their hermetic obsessions, and it is to their judgement I defer in presenting the WORST fanfiction. 'Bad' fanfiction, from what I can see, falls into three major categories: Crossovers That Shouldn't Be, Things That Shouldn't Be Erotic, and Writing Without Grasp of the English Language. Here we go.

Crossovers That Shouldn't Be

Anne Frank meets Goku from DragonForce Z

Goku smirked, then said “It’s come down to this. You and me. Fighting like men. If you admit defeat now, I’ll kill you rather painlessly.” Goku had the definite advantage. Or so it seemed. Hitler burst into a laugh, as Goku looked on quizzically. The mustachioed man slowly rose into the air, as his brown hair and pencil moustache turned a blonde color, and his brown eyes turned blue. Goku reeled in horror. Hitler continued laughing, then finally said “Goku! You came here expecting to find a madman, but instead, you found a GOD!”

Hitler had become a Super Saiyan."

This one delivers on the promise inherent in the title. Hitler. Super Saiyan. Man, I hate DragonBall Z.

Bowser's Mexico Adventure
"Bowser was about to grumble a response when he heard a friendly, familiar voice on the line.

Joel: Hello? Who am I speaking with?

Bowser: Hey Bro! It’s Wet Bowser!

Joel: Hey! How long’s it been, man?!

Bowser: Too long, too long… What’ve you been up to?

Joel: Oh, you know, just watching some movies with the Bots and getting ready for our next invention exchange, how about you?

Bowser: Well, I was just finishing up my gardening today and I got a letter in the mail… I’m goin’ on a free vacation! And you’re coming along! Bring the Bots, too!"

Who...why....MST3K and Bowser....sigh.

Things That Shouldn't Be Erotic
There's an entire community dedicated to Jurassic Park erotic fanfiction, The International Jurassic Park Erotic Fan-Fiction Writer's Association. The site has a midi version of the themesong and even a cute lil' icon:

There we are! I'm fairly sure this one HAS to be a joke, as few of the stories are finished, the spelling and grammar are decent, and I'd like to believe this stuff doesn't actually exist as someone's idea of 'erotica':

"With each thrust now harder, rougher and faster, resulting in a damp thudding sound from the beast’s throat, Malcolm’s grip tightened, as he rushed towards the endgame. Blood was just beginning to drip from the creature’s jaw as Malcolm exploded his unspliced, Mosquito free DNA down its throat and screamed “CHAOS THEORY!!!” at the top of his lungs."

The line 'must go faster' has an unfortunate new meaning. DAMN YOU INTERNET!

WHYYYYYY. Even if it's a joke, someone still wrote it and someone in the world's probably going to be turned on by it. Oh, internet.

It's All Too Much
Aaaaand this is why I can't dismiss anything outright. Here is an absolutely serious fanfic about the author (Jen) getting Paul McCartney pregnant. Yep. Macca's pregnant and yet he and Jen still get it on plenty up until the very painful cesarean birth. Also they get married at the end <3 ^-^. WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH HUMANITY?

Writing Without Grasp of the English Language

legolas by laura
If it weren't for the occasional 'FEW HOURS LATER', this entire story would be one long run-on sentence.

"Mean while Strider and Gandalf was rideing towards where Legolas lived and then Strider said"Gandalf I did not know Legolas had a sister"and then Gandalf said"I did not know aswell".Mean While at Mondor the dark lord was planing to kidnap the princess but not Legolas.Then the boss of the Orcs came and said"I'll get her for you sir"and then the Dark lord said"yes you can".

I like the upbeat tone the Dark Lord sets for his pinions. Unfortunately the story takes a weird turn into 'Law & Order: SVU' territory in one long, rambling paragraph:

Mean while Legolas got to the cell where Laura is.Legolas said"Laura are you in there"and then Laura said"Oh Legolas you finally came"and then Legolas said"are you alright"and then Laura said"no I am not alright"and then Legolas said"they bet you up and raped you also the Dark lord gave you the posion"and then Laura said"how did you know that".Then Legolas said"when I was your age they did the samething to me".Then Laura said"can you get me out of here"and then Legolas said"ok stand back"and then he ran back and ran towards the door and knock it down.

Laura said"wow"and then Legolas looked and saw she was coved in Blood and scars also she was naked"and then Legolas said"why they did it to you not me"and then the Orcs came and said"because she got a power and she can distoy us all the bad guys".

Then the fright began"

Really? Mine began with the thought a middle-aged mom wrote this between yelling at her brood somewhere in Indiana. Oh, and just in case you weren't completely scarred:

I love that the person included their cat in the torture dungeon.

Actually typing in 'worst fanfiction ever' yields one general answer across all fanfiction boards- the vaguely Harry Potter-ish 'My Immortal'. Less about Harry Potter and more about what this particular goth girl, excuse me, vampire, is wearing, the story veers wildly between completely illegible nonsense and some of the most hilariously bad writing since I was signed up to a Christopher Pike fanfic email ring back in 1997 (yep, again, reread the first sentence of this post.)

The story is here in its entirety- My Immortal, but if you just want a taste, here's a sample of the text:

“Do you like Draco?” she asked as we went out of the Slytherin common room and into the Great Hall.

“No I so fucking don’t!” I shouted.

“Yeah right!” she exclaimed. Just then, Draco walked up to me.

“Hi.” he said.

“Hi.” I replied flirtily."

I am heretofore using the word 'flirtily' as an adverb. Uh, actually this is so bad, a few more examples are warranted (trust me, taking them in or out of context is equally bad):

“They were having sexual intercourse in the Forbidden Forest!” he yelled in a furious voice."

"He had a manly stubble on his chin. He had a sexy English accent. He looked exactly like Joel Madden. He was so sexy that my body went all hot when I saw him kind of like an erection only I’m a girl so I didn’t get one you sicko."

"“Ebony, it’s not what you think!” Draco screamed sadly."

I'm sure if you're a middle school creative writing teacher you probably want to commit hara-kiri over how badly adverbs get mangled but for me this is pure gold.

“How did you know?” I asked in a surprised way.

Voldemort got a dude-ur-so-retarded look on his face. “I hath telekinesis.” he answered cruelly. “And if you doth not kill Vampire, then thou know what will happen to Draco!” he shouted. Then he flew away angrily on his broomstick."

Voldemort suddenly speaks Ren Faire and rides a broomstick. Huh. Oh also, Harry Potter goes by the name 'Vampire' in this story. To clarify, he is NOT a vampire, but has merely taken the name of such, while Ebony, or Enoby (it's spelled either way throughout) IS actually a vampire/student at Hogwarts.

"“What have you done!” He started to cry wisely. (c dats basically nut swering and dis time he wuz relly upset n u wil c y) “Ebony Draco has been found in his room. He committed suicide by slitting his wrists.""

Remember that book 'C D B', where you'd sound out the letters and they'd form a sentence? Yeah, reading that really prepped me for this person's way of communicating that which her friend did not spell check.

"“What do you know, Hargrid? You’re just a little Hogwarts student!”

“I MAY BE A HOGWARTS STUDENT….” Hargirid paused angrily. “BUT I AM ALSO A SATANIST!”

“This cannot be.” Snap said in a crisp voice as blood dripped from his hand where Dumblydore’s wand had shot him. “There must be other factors.”"

Oh, snap, Snap! Though, how is being a Satanist mutually exclusive from being a Hogwarts student? Why am I even asking this deep into something where logic has no place? After chapter 5 the author's spellchecking friend took a hike and half the hilarity comes from malapropisms flying fast and furious, such as the intro to Chapter 14:


I do wonder if this is perhaps the work of someone well versed in teen girl angst fanfiction, as some of this is almost too over the top to be real:

"Later we all went in the skull. Draco was crying in da common room. “Draco are u okay?” I asked in a gothic voice.

“No I’m not u fuking bitch!” he shouted angrily. He stated to run out of the place in a suicidal way. I stated to cry cuz I was afraid he would commit suicide."

See, it toes the line between 'making fun' stupid and 'no, this is really the future of the country' stupid. Also, a later name drop of 'Shark Attack 3' hints towards a particularly tenacious joker.

"“OMFG Draco Draco!” I screamed having an orgism. We stated frenching passively. Suddenly………… I fell asleep. I started having a dream. In it a black guy was shooting two goffik men with long black hair.

“No! Please don’t fucking kill us!1” they pleaded but he just kept shooting them. He ran away in a red car."

aaaand, one more malapropism:

"“So what the fuck happened 2 Snipe and Loopin?” I asked Sorious flirtily.

“I fucking tortured them.” he answered in a statistic way. “They r in Abkhazian now, lol.”

Ahh, I'm going to go weep and laugh hysterically for the next hour or so.

Around The City- Random Edition

Posted on 09/10/09 at 08:17 pm
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Perhaps it's the laziness, or perhaps it's the laziness, but I'm quite content just tossing up random photos this week.

This was taken the day Michael Jackson died; I'm guessing they'd already made the sign up when they heard the news. Either that or this specific type of ramen somehow represents Michael Jackson.

Remember that day when the APOCALYPSE HAPPENED?! It was really pretty, and everyone on the street shot a million photos of themselves bathed in its menacing blood red light.


I enjoy the thought some kid running with a crew choked on the first tag run, came up with this moniker, and now is stuck with the elegance and annoyance of spelling it out all over buildings.

These twin houses stand out, with their Spanish-tiled roofs and brickwork.

Yes, Cleansiness is Godliness. I say this to myself several times a day.


Posted on 09/08/09 at 01:03 pm
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Soo, is the dog named 'Bad Boy Mike', and also a bad dog, or is 'Bad Boy Mike' the owner of the bad dog...?

This may be the best use of Photoshop I've ever seen. Who the hell needs a BUCKET of these monstro-wings?

This was on a bench inside a Jersey ShopRite advertising the wonders that could be done with your photos. They start with a wall-eyed kitten and....improve....it by putting it in a conch-shell planter! On a beach! The kitten still looks wall-eyed, and sort of sad! My own mother had to drag me away after I stood there laughing for 5 minutes, scaring people entering the store.

Also, I should probably wait until I actually set the thing up to announce this, but I hate Livejournal so much I can't wait- as soon as my website's up and running I am OUT OF HERE!!! Oh man, I despise LJ SO MUCH, from having to sign in next to the world's dumbest questions (today's was 'On a scorching day, do you prefer the beach or an air-conditioned movie theater?' If this actually cures writer's block I hereby declare the cure worse than the disease) to the endless flamewars from myriad Russian posters over an image whose controversy I don't know/care about (you are keeping me from reading hilariously sexist/racist advertising from the past, people!)

Yes, the day of cleansing will soon be upon us, whence I shall throw off the shackles of this particular blogging site and reorganize stuff so those who don't give a deuce about knitting shan't have to read it, and those who just want the free goods can easily get them without slogging through rants about Baby Boomers (ooh, don't even get me started). And on that glorious day I shall post here triumphantly for the last time a LINK to the promised page. Woo.

Iowa Trip Part 5- Pow-Wows and Swap Meets

Posted on 08/29/09 at 10:21 pm
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While visiting Iowa, we went to the 99th annual Meskwaki Pow-wow, an event that happens once a year and reunites members of the tribe on their settlement. They were very particular to note their tribe lives on a settlement, NOT a reservation. in the mid-1800's, noticing the trend of shuffling tribes around as suited others, the tribe pooled their resources and purchased the land they still own to this day (they recently opened a casino on it). You can read more about the Meskwaki here. It had rained the night before, turning the meeting grounds into a muddy mess. It was also apparently 'senior day' explaining the numerous busloads dropping elderly passangers off. Strangely, all wore superclean white athletic shoes and all were superclean when I passed them on my way out. Elderly magic!

Don't let the tipi fool you; the traditional Meskwaki hut was in full effect, though with more modern coverings:

The dome shape of the tent structures built by visiting tribe members was identical to the historic example set up towards the back, but where that one used reeds, these used the more practical, and I certainly hope waterproof, tarp.

Yep, that's Meskwaki kids playing with cheap plastic bows and arrows. Sigh.

I didn't realize he was posing for me standing in a half foot of water until I saw it again here.

There was a medium-sized tent full of historical items and facts:

This is a decorative axe,

a gold French 'trading ring',

examples of decor and tools,

and they had an entire book of tribe members in the armed services. The Meskwaki have participated in every war from WWI onward in one branch or another.

Really though, most visitors skipped the history. There were 3 things they came to the pow-wow for-


Ok, if they aren't going to be PC I don't see why I should try.

Ultimate pregnancy combo!

Yes, Saucy is an orderable dish; it's pulled pork smothered in BBQ sauce.

This is the most ethnic food in one spot I saw in Iowa.

I ordered an Indian Taco, which consists of fry bread and the veggie makings of a taco dumped on top, with a generous portion of salsa (El Paso brand, if my taste buds are correct). Fry bread, in texture and taste, is very similar to the Italian fried dough treat zeppole, but less sweet. Also similar to zeppole, treating it like normal bread feels wrong and makes your meal 10x heavier.

If they weren't selling foodstuffs, the booths were selling Native American goods and trinkets. Not Meskwaki stuff, 'Native American' in the most general sense of the words stuff. Lots of dreamcatchers, beads, feathers, and airbrushed women fading into wolves.

The big draw for most were the various ceremonial dances. Unfortunately the muddiness and rain put off the scheduled start time by an hour. The announcer charmingly filled in, musing about hot dogs, querying the audience on their favorite teams, and good-naturedly ribbing the dancers, all in a low-key voice.

Here's the dancers getting ready for the opening ceremony:

The narrator continued his commentary through the dancing:

Here they have the elders, dressed in the traditional Meskwaki style (they were a northern tribe, located in modern-day Canada, hence the mostly fur outfit).

The next day we went to an 'estate sale', a phrase that gives inaccurate aura to the casual proceedings of the day. Essentially someone's entire house of stuff, similar to what it might look like if your or my grandparent's house was emptied out, was put on tables in a small warehouse. We walked around and looked at the items, sat down and watched them brought up, and bit by bit all was sold to the highest bidder. With rare exception, none of the items went over $10. Exceedingly annoying was the practice of, should an item not sell, grabbing the next nearest item and lumping it in. This is how, bidding on some vintage buttons, I ended up with vintage buttons, a creepy 4-going-on-40 doll, old thread, a box of clips, and darning needles. Between this and the fact nothing was announced, not even a 'here's a lamp' or 'lookit this pan', you had to pay sharp attention and remember what table the stuff you wanted was as it was shuffled around to the front. Below are some examples of items lumped together in sale:

I didn't realize 'Suzy Homemaker' was a toy; I thought it was a descriptive phrase my mom used to describe a person like Martha Stewart. Go figure.

Iowa Trip: Part 4

Posted on 08/23/09 at 09:42 pm
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I took a brief road trip to Iowa a few weeks back- brief in that we crammed it into one long 16-hour drive so we'd only have to rent the car for one day(economizing!). I took the night shift, since flooring it on mostly empty highways makes me feel more badass than shuffling past RVs and minivans in the daytime.

For those who are addicted to hoity-toity coffee, road journeys have been made slightly more bearable thanks to McCafe. Ordering anything, particularly espresso drinks, from McDonald's feels weird but the beverages taste EXACTLY the same as Starbucks. Now, I despise Starbucks beverages and more than once have had to request more espresso be added to the glass of coffee-flavored milk they handed me. but on the road Starbucks-esque McCafe drinks homogenized at nearly every rest area are levels up from the take-your-chances coffee at gas stations.

If you're thinking of scooting across the country in one go, I recommend a solid night's sleep ahead of time and adding a day to decompress after, since you will feel like you're coming off a weekend bender waking up from a brief nap after that much driving. We lucked out; rushing to return the car on time, a two hour bonus appeared in the form of a time-zone change and having to return the car at 11 instead of 10. So, when the World's Largest Truck Stop loomed on the horizon, we had to stop in.

Clearly we were sleep-deprived; we thought this picture the height of comedy.

Of course, we just added the pennies. 'Cuddles' was already sitting there with a bunch of other discount crap on a folding table in the middle of a giant truck stop. Creepier with or without the coinage? You be the judge.

It wouldn't be a proper truck stop without stuff to trick your truck out with (try saying that one fast), and this place delivered in a ridiculous way:

You could even climb into one of two sample trucks, chromed out to the max and larger on the inside than some apartments I've had.

Yep, More Knitting.

Posted on 08/20/09 at 02:08 am
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Alright, I've seen a lot of people knitting up the so-called '3 Hour Sweater', complaining about how NO, it does NOT take 3 hours to knit, it takes a day or two, blah blah blah. I say these people are modern whiners. Perhaps in ye olden days it really did only take 3 hours to work up this sweater; perhaps women sitting near their radios were so scandalized by a saucy soap opera they gained knitting uber-prowess and by the time that and an episode of Fibber McGee and Molly'd passed by they had a sweater in their lap. In any event it's true that modern knitters lack this ability; we've been so over-scandalized it would take...actually I can't even make anything up for us to be scandalized by, if I type it up here it'll appear on VH1's schedule to fill in for the shows they pulled after their reality star suspected of murdering his wife went on the lam.

In any event, I hereby throw down the gauntlet. I present to you....THE TWO HOUR SWEATER! That's right, this claims to take a whole hour less to work up than the previous 'quickie' vintage sweater everyone's tried a hand at, so translated into modern times that would probably be one long train ride of knittin'. Boy oh boy.

It also makes nice use of the superchunky yarn most knitters have on hand- I myself couldn't resist buying some (so large...so textural!) but had no idea what to apply it to. Most of the Vogue Knitting stuff that utilizes large yarns is so patently ridiculous it's just DARING you to spend time and energy making it, forget wearing it out in public. So, here's a quaint lil' charmer with some nice neck detail. I hope to see myriad examples of it in the near future.

At the behest of readers who don't wish to go blind just yet, I've typed the pattern into a legible, readable, copy & paste-able version for your printing joy. No no, don't thank me, thank the person who preserved these lovely books (but you can thank me too).

Glengarry & Yorkshire Two-Hour Sweater
Style No. 117

List of Necessary Materials With Instructions for Knitting


Glengarry, 3 balls, No. 1601
Yorkshire, 2 balls, No. 1406
One pair Wooden needles No. 16 or 3/8 inch
GAUGE: 2 3/4 stitches = 1 inch, 4 rows = 1 inch

BACK: With one thread of each yarn working double cast on 28 stitches, knit 2, purl 2, for 5 inches. Knit next row increasing 5 stitches at equal intervals across row (33 stitches). Continue in Stockinette Stitch until work measures 14 inchs from start. Bind off 2 stitches each side then decrease 1 stitch at both ends on the next knitted row. Work even for 5 inches. On the next purled row *purl 6, knit 15, purl 6. Next row knit. Repeat from * twice. On the last row, knit 9 stitches. Bind off 9 stitches for back of neck. On remaining 9 stitches make shoulder as follows: *knit to shoulder. Next row purl 6, knit 3 stitches at neck edge, repeat from * until shoulder measures 5 inches. Break yarn. Make other shoulder to match, add 12 stitches for front of neck, work across otehr side. Next purled row, purl 7, knit 16, purl 7. Knit next row. Next purled row purl 8, knit 14, purl 8. Knit next row. Continue to purl 1 more stitch eah side of center knit stitches on purled rows until 2 knit stitches remain. Also add 1 stitch at each side 2 1/2 inches from front of neck. Then add 3 stitches each side for underarm (38 stitches). Continue straight for 9 more inches then decrease 6 stitches at equal intervals across row (32 stitches). Purl 2, knit 2 for 5 inches.

SLEEVES: Pick up and knit 35 stitches, decrease 1 stitch at each end every other knit row until 25 stitches remain. Knit 6 rows in Garter Stitch for cuffs.

Neck Trimming: Cut 10 strands of Yorkshire 40 inches long. Start at back leaving 4-inch end. Couch with 1 strand of Glengarry 1 inch apart. Tie ends of Yorkshire at back.

CUFFS: Cut 10 strands of Yorkshire 14 inches long. Start at center, leaving ends to tie, couch same as neck.

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